Intricate crossword puzzle

A blond is working on a crossword puzzle.

She is asking the husband. “Is it supposed to be spelled ‘negger’ or ‘nigger’?”

“Honey,” says the husband. “We don’t speak like that. We say ‘black’.”

So she starts writing:

“Arnold Schwarzeblack…”

Panties

Two cops talking:
"You know," says one of them "when I get home, I will tear off my wife's panties..."
"Are you so horny?"
"No, they re so tight!"

Eating Candy

Little Joe is sitting on a bench in the park and is voraciously stuffing his face with candy from a large bag that he collected at Halloween evening.
An older woman comes by, and seeing the kid's behavior, she starts lecturing him.
"You know, eating that much can candy will cause you many problems, you will hurt your stomach, your teeth will fall out, you will be fat and ugly..."
"My grandfather lived to be 105" stops her the kid.
"And did he eat candy like you do?” asks the woman.
"No, he minded his own business..."

On a PTC

A parent to a teacher on a PTC:
"My son is a very special kid, he has a lot of very original and unusual ideas. Isn't he?"
"Yes, especially when it comes to grammar."

The little anarchist

A kid is calling the library. "Hi, do you have a book on how to make nitroglycerin?" "No" says the librarian. "How about TNT?" "We don't have that either." "Maybe one on making C4?" "Nope" "Home made rockets?" "No" "Shoulder rockets?" "We don't have any books like that." "And people wonder why kids don't like to read..."

Birthday Present

A young couple had been arguing about what new vehicle they would buy. He wanted a big truck, but she wanted a sports car.

After about an hour the woman had to leave, and said, "look, all I want is something that goes from 0 to 200 in less than four seconds. My birthday is coming up next week, buy something that will surprise me!"

A week later she opened her present, a new set of bathroom scales!
(The funeral will take place next Tuesday)

Appendicitis

A doctor gets a phone call at the middle of the night.
A hysterical man says: "I'm Mr. Jones, please come fast! My wife has a horrible pain in her abdomen. I think it is appendicitis."
"Calm down, Mr. Jones, and go back to bed." says the doctor "I have taken out your wife's appendix last year. And I have never heard of a case where an appendix would have grown back."
"Doctor", says the now offended gentleman "and have you heard of a case when someone got remarried?"

Blood test

The doctor to the alcoholic:
”I cannot determine your blood type…”
“Why? “
”Before I could look at it, it evaporates…”

Angry wife

Two friends are sitting in a bar.
"My wife is very angry with me,” says one.
"Why?" asking the other.
"I was walking home from here, when I saw her coming, looking for me."
"So, what did you do?"
"I asked for her phone number."

Researcher in the desert

A young researcher goes to the sahara in hopes of a great discovery.
He finds a desert flee and he says to him "Jump."
The flee jumps.
He tears out one of its legs and says again "Jump."
The flee jumps again.
This goes on until the flee has no legs.
Then the researcher says one last time "Jump."
The flee does not jump.
The researcher writes his findings into his notebook:
"If you tear out all the legs of a desert flee, it will go deaf."

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