Confessional

A drunken guy walks into a church and goes straight into the confessional.
He is sitting there for a while but he does not say anything.
The priest coughs one to get his attention.
He just keeps sitting there quietly.
The priest loses his patience and starts knocking.
Finally the drunk says.
"No matter how much you knock, friend, there is no toilet paper here either..."

Dead dog

The dog of a very rich man dies. He goes to his catholic priest and asks him to say a prayer for the dead dog's soul.
The priest says that that they do not deal with dead animals, but there is a new church specializes in animals.
The gentleman should go there and for a small donation, he is sure that they will pray for his dog.
"$10,000 will be enough as a small donation for them?" asks the rich man.
"Oh son, why didn't you tell me your dog was catholic?"

Religious Truth

Jesus is watching

Late at night a robber is stumbling around in a house.
Suddenly a voice says: "Jesus is watching you!"
The robber stops in his tracks, but continues to assess the area.
Suddenly the voice again: "Jesus is watching you!"
The robber freezes in fear, looks around, and sees a cage in the far corner. He moves closer and sees that there is a parrot in it.
He approaches it. "Did you say Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes, I did." says the parrot.
The robber sighs in relief.
"You are a nice bird," he says, "What is your name?"
"Stopwatch" - says the parrot.

In a Chatolic Study Class

“What was the original sin of Adam?”
“He ate from the forbidden apple.”
“And what was his penalty?”
“He had to marry Eve.”

Church sign

GOD IS CALLING YOU, BUT NOT ON YOUR MOBIL, SO TURN IT OFF.

Forgiveness in old age

At the end of the worship the priest asks his charge. "How many of you forgave your enemies?"
Everyone holds up their hands, except a fragile elderly lady.
"Are you denying forgiveness to your enemies?" asks the surprised priest.
"Oh no, dear," say the grey haired woman, "I just have no enemies."
"This is very unusual," says the priest. "How old are you?"
"I'm 98." she says proudly.
"Dear madam,", says the priest "Would you be so kind to come up here and tell us how is it possible that someone near a 100 years old has no enemies what so ever."

At the Gates of Heaven

The pope dies and arrives at St. Peter’s gate. St. Peter welcomes him, and asks for his name.
“I’m the Pope.” Comes the answer.
“The pope, the pope...,” running St. Peter down his hand in the Big Book. “I’m sorry, but I have no one with this name in here.”
“But, I’m the second in command for god on Earth.” says the pope.
“There is a second in command for God on Earth?” looks at him a very surprised St. Peter.
The pope’s head is turning red now. “I’m the head of the Catholic Church.”
“The Catholic Church?… I never heard of it. Wait, I will go and ask the boss.”

Treasure

The bear is walking in the woods when he sees the rabbit.
“What are you doing little rabbit?” he asks.
“I’m burying this bottle of whisky. It's cheep now, but when in ten years I dig it out, it will worth a fortune.”
“You are nuts!” says the bear and walks off.
Next morning, the bear is walking again, and at the very same spot he sees the fox.
“Hi fox, what are you doing?” he asks.
“I’m burying this Queen CD,” he answers. “Its cheep now, but in ten years, when I dig it out, it will worth a fortune.”
You are crazy,” says the bear and walks off.

3 wishes

The bear and the rabbit is walking in the forest.
They meet the ferry godmother who says.
"You both look very nice, so I will grant you 3 wishes."
"I want 10 bear girls." - says the bear.
"I want a brand new Porshe" - says the rabbit.
"I want 10 more bear girls." - says the bear.
"I want a gas station for my new Porshe" - says the rabbit.
"I want every bear girls on Earth." - says the bear.
"You know what," says the rabbit, "make the bear gay."

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