UN Survey

The United Nations initiated a worldwide survey. There was only one question on it. "Please, give us your honest opinion on how could the world wide food shortage be solved in the rest of the world."

It was a colossal failure.

- In Africa, they did not know what does it mean "food".
- In Eastern Europe, they did not know what does it mean "honest".
- In Western Europe, they did not know what does it mean "shortage".
- In China, they did not know what does it mean "opinion".
- In the Far East they did not know what does it mean "solution".

Before the wedding

I was sooo happy. I have dated this girl for over 2 years, so we decided that we would get married. All the parents and friends helped getting ready. And the girl was a dream. There was only one problem: My Mother-in-Law to be.

She is a career woman, smart but mostly beautiful, and she kept looking at me in a way, that no one could have misunderstood. We were near the end of the preparations for the wedding, when one day she invited me to her house, to help with addressing the wedding invitations. So I went.

Breaking car

After a real good afternoon sex, the woman hears a car breaking in front of the house.
She turns to the man scared "This must be my husband, get out, FAST!"
The guy tries to pull up his pants and run toward the back door at the same time, but suddenly halts.
"Are you nuts? I'm your husband..."

Grandma knows

Little Joe, while vacationing at her Grandparents, is playing outside with the neighbor kids.
He suddenly runs inside.
"Grandma, what does it called when 2 people are sleeping in the same room, one on top and the other is under?"
She thinks a little, and decides to answer truthfully, so she says "Its a sexual act."
"Okay" says the kid and he runs outside.
A little time goes by and he returns...
"Grandma, you deceived me! It's called a bunk bed. Oh, and Kevin's mom says, she wants to talk to you."

Girlfriend

After a long night of love making, as the man is lying in the bed, he idly looks around in the room.
Suddenly, he notices a photo of another man beside the bed.
He asks his new girlfriend.
"Who is that? Your husband?"
"Now, honey, you know I do not have a husband."
"So, is he you boyfriend?"
"You are my only boyfriend..."
"So who is it, then?
"Who else, It's me, before the surgery..."

Sunburn

One day, Mr. Jones got a really bad sunburn.

The doctor gives him a special creme, and Viagra.

“What do you want me to do with this?” asks the surprised patient.

“Well, you put the creme on the burns, and the Viagra helps keeping away the blanket.

The power of faith

A Muslim, a Catholic and a Jew arguing about whose god is more powerful.

"We had a huge earthquake", says the Muslim, "so we prayed, and in a 30 mile radius, no houses got destroyed."

"That is nothing", says the Catholic, "We had a huge flood but we have prayed, and in a 30 mile radius, no houses got destroyed."

"God is one, my friends", says the Jew, "Imagine. The other Saturday, as I was walking down the street, and I have found a big bag of money. You know, we can not touch money on Saturdays, but I prayed to the lord, and suddenly, in a 10 feet radius, it become Friday."

Scared

When a father arrives home from work, he founds a letter on his daughters bed. He opens it with shaking hands...

Dear dad,

Essay

In a high school, the students had to write an essay that contained religion, sex and mystery.
This was the shortest one:

“Oh my god, I’m pregnant, and I have no idea who the daddy is.”

God and Eve

Why did God created Eve last?

This was the only way to make sure that she would not butt in into creation.

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